You were stuck in the hospital for almost three days with free wireless internet and you didn’t even post on your blog.
So my beautiful little Miss L arrive Tuesday afternoon after about six hours of labor, weighing in at 7 lbs. 1 oz. I’m feeling pretty good, better than I did with either of the previous births, but I’ve only slept about eight hours total since I left for the hospital early Tuesday morning, so I’m tired to the point of being kind of delusional.
I can’t wait to do some posts about my experiences and the birth story, but that will have to wait until I get some sleep. Until then, I present you with a quiz to keep you guessing about the potential subject matter for upcoming posts:
1. What was I surprised to see when I got home?
a) A living room full of balloons and a huge “WELCOME HOME MOMMY” banner
b) A lady who introduced herself as our new live-in housekeeper who my husband hired to help me for the next twelve months or so
c) A masseuse and manicurist, all set up to give me a lavish in-home spa treatment
d) A scorpion, stinging and possibly trying to eat another dead scorpion underneath it
2. How did I get through Pitocin-induced labor with a posterior baby without making a single noise through any of the contractions?
a) Tapping into my deep spirituality while praying the rosary
b) Using all those effective techniques I learned in Bradley class
c) Meditating on the Crucifixion and the meaning of redemptive suffering
d) Listening to Tupac at full volume on my iPod
e) Somehow managing to do both C and D
3. What did I learn about getting an epidural?
a) That it’s asinine to hold out until the last minute when you were planning to get one anyway.
b) That having three transition contractions while someone is inserting a needle into your spinal column is not a pleasant experience.
c) That if you have a clotting disorder the anesthesiologist will want to be sure to take the time to pull every medical record you’ve ever had and spend infinite time pondering them before giving his consent.
d) That epidurals don’t always work.
e) All of the above.
4. What TV show did I watch that made me most fearful about the future of humanity?
a) MTV’s Date My Mom
b) VH1’s Flava of Love Casting Show
c) WETV’s Platinum Weddings
d) Bravo’s Real Housewives of Orange County
e) All of the above. I’m thinking it’s time to just go ahead and let the Muslims take over.
5. When the lactation consultant asked me to describe the sensation I feel when the baby first latches on to nurse, how did I respond?
a) “Feels great.”
b) “It’s slightly uncomfortable.”
c) “Ouch, it hurts.”
d) “SOMEBODY KILL ME NOW!!!!!!”
Answers forthcoming, pending my ability to find time for a nap and my pharmacy’s expediency at filling my Vicodin prescription.