I can finally talk about something that’s been on my mind for a while: I found out I was pregnant a few weeks ago. Since we had just had three babies in three years, we definitely didn’t feel like this was the right time for baby #4. Honestly, I felt like I’d checked the “surprise pregnancy” box last year — we rose to that challenge, learned more about NFP after our conversion, and now we wouldn’t ever be in that situation again. Whew!
When I saw the two pink lines, I thought I might pass out. I didn’t want to mention it on the blog since I hadn’t told family yet and, honestly, that’s probably a good thing. There would have been a lot of whining. Probably more than one post titled “I’M NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS!!!!”, maybe a couple called “Morning sickness…AGAIN.”
This has been a factor in the recent spiritual dry spell. The unlikeliness of the circumstances that had to play out for this baby’s existence made it an obvious candidate for the take that “it must have been God’s plan!” But constantly nauseated, my energy level suddenly slashed in half, I was pretty cynical about that notion. Of course I recognized that this new little son or daughter is a great gift and immense blessing…but the timing I wasn’t so sure about. I already have three children, and my oldest is only three. We’re still paying off medical bills from our last baby. Because of my history of DVT and the clotting disorder, my veins really need a break. Speaking of which, I don’t look forward to the daily anticoagulation shots in the stomach and the semi-weekly hematologist visits. I was just getting started with finally losing weight. And, umm, I was kind of trying to write a book here.
How could it possibly be a good thing to have a baby right now? Is it not a bit of a stretch to say that “it must be God’s plan” when the circumstances are so very far from ideal?
That’s what I’ve been thinking about and praying about a lot these past few weeks. Just over the past few days, I keep feeling drawn to two stories over and over again that have given me a lot of peace and resolution on the issue. I’ll share them in part two of this post. In the meantime, despite my worries I am truly happy to announce our fourth little blessing, and would appreciate prayers for our growing family.
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