Phrases I have used in emails to a friend to describe the way I feel in late afternoons when I eat simple carbs for lunch:
- “Darth Vader without all the good cheer.”
- “A hungover gremlin on quaaludes.”
- “A pile of steaming sludge with an attitude.”
- “WHY DO I DO THIS TO MYSELF? SOMEBODY KILL ME!!!”
(Those are the ones that don’t include profanity, anyway.)
Do you ever wonder what’s up with these huge bloggers who say they don’t make much money on their sites? If I understand it correctly, “CPM” means “cost per 1, 000 impressions.” If you look at the CPM’s and page impression stats like this and this and do a little math…it seems like the big bloggers should be raking in the cash from their sites. Yet you never heard about Dooce taking Champagne baths or Pioneer Woman grabbing some milk, eggs and a Bentley on the way back to the ranch just because she felt like it.
I guess my bewilderment is that you hear about things like $10-15 CPM, yet you don’t hear about bloggers building mansions or naming yachts after their blogs, which seems like it should be possible for the folks who are getting more than 1, 000, 000 page impressions per month. Hmm. (I’ll blame this one on my web marketing background and not my tendency toward rude curiosity.)
An atheistic group is running a “Why believe in a god?” ad campaign during the Christmas season. [Insert Grinch joke here.]
I think I’m just destined to live in a house of horrors. Just when I expressed pleasant surprise that there were few scorpion sightings this summer (one of which was a particularly embarrassing experience that I wrote about here), the outdoor cat we inherited with the house started bringing dead vermin to our porch. I’d heard that cats sometimes do this and pictured that her little “presents” to us would be small lizards of fieldmice. Wrong. We’re talking big, fat rats and cardinals and squirrels. I would tell you my “cleaning up rat entrails off the back porch before a playdate when I had morning sickness” story but it’s just too disgusting.
A couple weeks ago our priest was mic’d up before Mass and had an entire phone call broadcast through the sanctuary for all the parishioners to hear. It was incredibly uncomfortable, mainly because we were all desperately wondering how we should react if he were to say something wildly inappropriate. Do you look at the person next to you? Do you clear your throat loudly and act like you didn’t hear it? Maybe just hide under the pew? (Or, knowing me, maybe I was the only one wondering about that.) Anyway, luckily he is a very holy man and didn’t say anything inappropriate.
Speaking of which (except for the “very holy” part), I had one of the most sobering, horrifying experiences I’ve had in a long time yesterday.
A close friend was over for a playdate and we were speaking very freely and casually within the privacy of my home while the kids played outside. I missed a call on my cell and about three minutes later heard the voicemail chime. I went to check to see who called. Weird. It said it was her. And then it occurred to me: WHERE IS HER CELL PHONE? I looked over to see my one-year-old sitting in the midst of the scattered contents of my friend’s purse, happily dialing saved numbers on her cell phone.
I checked voicemail to hear the past three minutes of our private conversation recorded loud and clear.
If you are a saintly person, you won’t see what the big deal is about this. But if you are, like me, a less than saintly person with a slight proclivity towards talking trash, you can easily imagine my horror. I thought about all the other numbers the baby could have called (say, my friend’s elderly grandmother), thought about all the things I could have said and had recorded unbeknownst to me, and immediately understood this situation to be a bone-chilling, terrifying, direct message from God to clean up my act.
Book Update: I’m probably more than half-way through now, starting on Chapter 8 tomorrow. I never cease to be amazed at how much more difficult it is than writing blog posts.
Below is a Mr. Linky list if you’d like to add a link to your own 7 Quick Takes post. Just make sure the link you submit is to the URL of your post and not your main blog URL, and include a link back here. Can’t wait to read your quick takes!