I know what you’re thinking: Jen, I have not seen enough of you on my computer screen lately. You were in LOTR, you blessed us with that video of yourself chasing around a scorpion in utter futility, and yet I find myself yearning for more. Could we get you to run your mouth a little more in front of a camera?
You’re in luck. Just for you, I went on Fox and Friends on Fox News last week, to talk about the 9th Circuit’s ruling that political ads can air on public television:
Have kids? Want to ruin your life? Get one of these. My children like to collect those pill bug things, and after too many times of having my bowls and glasses commandeered as bug habitats, I went on Amazon and bought one of these “watches” that acts as a mini bug house. Because I secretly hate myself, I only bought one.
Like could not even begin to describe my children’s feelings for this thing. Love isn’t all that close either. Nay, it is as if, upon beholding the green toy contained within the Amazon box, each of them instantly realized that his or her entire life up until this point had been a sad, sad joke, and now, by way of this bug watch, a life of joy and wonder could finally begin. But there was only one, to be shared among my four oldest kids.
I instantly ordered a couple more with two-day shipping, and thus began the longest 172,800 seconds of our lives as we waited for the next box to arrive. Even now that they’re here, the problems have not ended. If there is any question of one child using another child’s bug watch, our house instantly turns into a scene out of a WWF cage match.
Heed my warning, fellow parents: Think LONG and HARD before introducing your children to the world of bug watch ownership.
Jenny Lawson, a.k.a. The Bloggess, a.k.a. the blogger I really cannot link to, had a book signing here in Austin last night. I went, because I feel a familial sense of duty to follow the careers of crazy sixth-generation Texan bloggers who write memoirs. Hundreds of adoring fans packed the entire second floor of Book People, so this was my view:
In addition to a reading, she was celebrating the fact that she just found out that her book, which was released only days before, was #1 on the New York Times nonfiction bestseller list. I should have told her about my eerily accurate prediction from back in January, perhaps jumping up and down and shouting, “Who called it?!” People would have been all like, “Wow, you guessed that someone with over 200,000 Twitter followers would be able to sell a lot of copies of her book. You’re a veritable soothsayer!”
During the Q&A after the reading, a fan asked Jenny Lawson about how she handles blog trolls. Her answer was genius. She said that she used to have some people who would regularly leave extremely hateful, personally insulting comments. After trying unsuccessfully to ban their IP addresses, she started going into her control panel and editing their comments to delete what they actually said, and write something like this instead:
I just wanted to tell you how much I admire you, not only as a writer but as a person. I am your biggest fan, and aspire to be like you in every way.
Inevitably these people would see her changes, and leave a second, more vitriolic comment letting everyone know that they never said anything of the sort. And she would edit that too, so that it ended up saying:
I was worried that I might not have expressed my full appreciation in that first comment, so I wanted to come back to reiterate how amazing I think you are. I’m just in awe of your awesomeness.
Every one of them eventually went away.
Speaking of blogging, the past few months I’ve gotten way behind on my blog reading. Who are your current favorite reads? Any new voices you recommend I check out?
It came to my attention after I published my last 7 Quick Takes that a few clarifications are needed:
- My son was not stung in the face twice; it only happened once. It all went down while I was writing my quick takes post that Thursday. Per the scorpion-sighting routine around here, as soon as the event occurred I jumped into action and updated my blog. Then I resumed writing quick takes, but found that I had yet more to say about the matter (mainly, “AAAAAAH! %&$^*#! AAAAAAAH!”), so when that quick takes post was published the next day it gave the incorrect impression that there were two stings.
- We’re not moving. I know I said, “We’re moving,” but we’re not moving. In fact, you can safely ignore anything I say in scorpion posts as it pertains to future actions I plan to take to remedy this situation. I occasionally vent my anxiety about being surrounded by venomous arachnids by threatening everything from moving to hiring a live-in exterminator to arson, but I always find these plans to be too logistically difficult to implement.
Only a few weeks until summer! This means that I have three months off from feeling guilty about not homeschooling enough. I can’t wait!