–> I’m guest hosting the Five Favorites meme over at Hallie’s place today, so come join me over there! <–
Five Favorites (hosted by Hallie, originally the brainchild of blogging mastermind BooMama) is where bloggers share five of their most helpful discoveries — the items could be anything from products to prayers to TV shows. These are always fun posts to read, so I’m glad to be joining in this week! I’ll even explain the existence of this picture:
“But wait!” you say. “Aren’t you supposed to be preparing to have foreign objects inserted into your neck today? How on earth can you be messing around with blog posts at a time like this?”
Yes, well, about that: it’s been rescheduled for Friday. With all of the upheaval around this procedure, I’ve felt like Charlie Brown trying to hit Lucy’s football, only if the football were filled with explosives or live wasps or another material that would cause something terrible to happen to Charlie when he kicked it.
But wait, it gets crazier. I called the vein doctor again to confirm the new date, and the following conversation ensued. (He is a very kind man with a touch of a lovely Southern accent, so you have to picture all of this being said in a smooth, soothing voice):
Me: Sorry to bother you, Doctor! Just wanted to check to make sure that Friday is the new date.
Doctor: Yes, that’s correct. We thought it would be better to do it closer to delivery.
Me: I know there was some concern about anesthesia and its impact on the baby, since the hospital where we’re doing the procedure doesn’t have a labor and delivery ward. Were you able to touch base with my OB about that?
Doctor: I did talk to him, and we came up with a solution.
Me: A solution, you say? Oh, hurray! I love solutions! [Sound of foreboding music mysteriously begins playing behind me.]
Doctor: We thought we could go ahead and do it without any anesthesia or sedation.
Me: Did you just say, “WITHOUT ANY ANESTHESIA OR SEDATION!!!!”?
Doctor: Yes. That’s a great solution since then we won’t have to worry about the impact on the baby.
Me: [Drops phone, goes into convulsions.]
Doctor: I don’t think it should be too painful. I’ll just make the incision in your neck, then once we insert the tube carrying the metal filter into the vein…
Me: [Hears nothing else. Now curled into the fetal position and losing consciousness.]
I don’t think I could possibly articulate my feelings about this situation better than Rebecca Fletcher did when she commented on my last post:
After reading the details of your procedure…I don’t want to live in this world anymore.
I will note, though, that the battle is not over yet. I made a few comments to the nurse like “I sure hope I don’t start violently shaking and screaming profanity in the middle of the procedure, as I am wont to do when I’m nervous and in horrible pain!” and “If a patient were to find a five-year-old bottle of Vicodin in the back of her medicine cabinet and take a couple before the procedure, would the doctor know? — just theoretically”, which I think may have inspired them to take a second look at this decision.
(For those who asked why this must be done before delivery, it’s because I’ve been put on the Snakes on a Plane life plan for 2013 where everything must be difficult in increasingly bizarre ways. Oh, and also because the doctors are worried about more clots coming loose and/or forming during labor and in the postpartum period.)
But anyway, enough about Unanesthetized Medical Procedure Friday. Head over to Hallie’s to hear about why I’m considering naming this baby Fujitsu Scansnap!