June 26, 2006 | 7 comments

Thank you for the comments to the last post. I deleted it because I feel like I’ve gotten some solid advice that I can act on, and based on some of the comments I realized that I shouldn’t have posted the part about my upset about the hospital birth change. I didn’t give all the information for why that scenario disturbs me; it’s very personal and really not something I should go into in a public forum like this. So some of the more flippant, condescending comments about my handling of the situation hurt me more than they should have. My bad. I shouldn’t have mentioned it if I couldn’t give the whole picture.

I’m sure I’ll figure this all out. I’m filling the prescription for Vicodin today and am going to talk to the hematologists office to make sure there’s nothing to be concerned about that the pain keeps expanding and getting worse. Once that’s all taken care of and I’m not in constant pain and can get some sleep I think I’ll feel better and be able to think more clearly. Thanks again for the thoughts.


  1. Ersza

    I’m very sorry if anything I said hurt you. I did acknowledge that my comments would sound harsh (hoping you would dismiss them if they didn’t apply)–but know that I 100% sympathize with what you are going through and how hard this is for you. You are probably right on target with realizing that the comments were not informed with all the information to hand. I think dealing with your current pain is the best thing you can do for yourself. Pain causes depression and despair–it’s very hard to live with on a day-to-day basis. God bless you and I am keeping you in my prayers.

  2. Patty in WA

    I still will be praying for you. No one ever knows the whole story, except the Father who loves you and holds you in the palm of his hand. I ask him to take my prayers for you and turn them to your need. God bless and have mercy on you in this time of suffering.

  3. SteveG

    What Patty said.

    I Hope my comments weren’t out of bounds in any way. The last thing I’d want to do is cause you any additional pain in this trying time. My prayers, as always, are with you each day.

  4. SmartBlkWoman

    I read the last post before you erased it but didn’t comment. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad about your choices, especially on your own blog. It’s your life, your baby, and you have every right in the world to say and do the things that make you feel comfortable, even if others stridently disagree-and they will from time to time.

    I remember being in the hospital with my baby and I wanted to leave ASAP. They told me I could leave but the baby had to stay there until they wanted her to leave. What the heck? I can’t take my own baby from the hospital?

    I wish I had a home birth myself. But I don’t think thats an option for you because of your current medical condition. Keep looking into the birth center option. In my area we have a birth centers that are really close to hospitals and they can take higher risk patients because of this.

    You’re in my thoughts…..

  5. Anonymous


    I’m not exactly a huggy kind of person in general, but if I were anywhere in your vicinity right now, that’s exactly what I would want to give you. Cut yourself some slack. You’re going through a lot right now, and don’t discount the influence all those hormones raging are having on your psyche.

    You’re right, it’s impossible to explain to everyone just WHY you feel the way you do about the change in birth plans. Nobody can possibly know all the life experiences you have had that have led to your feelings on the subject. That’s one big reason I have never started a blogsite of my own—-I’m just not at a place in my life where I would want everybody out there (well-intentioned as they may be!) to be judging my feelings on major life decisions/events without knowing exactly where I am coming from. And there is just no way to explain everything in a blog someplace.

    Remember that feelings are NEVER bad—it’s only our actions that can be wrong. I’ve seen a lot of well-intentioned religious people who feel ashamed of feelings that they have and try to either stifle them or pretend they don’t exist, and I think that’s a dangerous thing to do psychologically and emotionally. Place all your feelings in the hands of Jesus; after all, HE is really the ONLY person who can understand why we feel the way we do and knows everything that has happened to us to lead to those feelings. Ask Him for the strength to make the right decisions and act according to His Will. He won’t let you down!

    Hmm, maybe instead of a hug, I’d slip “I Will Survive” into the CD player, and we could boogie down (you on your one good leg *g*) to it, have a good laugh/cry, and realize that this, too, shall pass.

    Here’s hoping the Vicodin will be effective, the hematologist gives you some reassurance, and that baby comes just a week or so early so you can have get that clot taken care of just as soon as is healthy for everyone involved.

    Hang in there. And remember that what doesn’t kill you will make you stronger *g* (I can’t tell you how many times in my life I’ve had to repeat that phrase to myself to help me get through a rough patch!!)

  6. Colleen

    Well, I have been out of town for nearly a week, so I don’t know what the deleted post was about, nor what responses you got.

    I can say, however, that we all care about you and I am quite concerned to hear that your condition is (at least as far as I can tell) serious. Take care of yourself and do whatever it takes to come through this happy, healthy and whole!

  7. GLouise

    I missed the post you referred to, but am praying everything works out smoothly.

    God bless you!

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