They’re baaaaack

July 3, 2007 | 14 comments

My husband came home last night and picked up a book off of our bathroom floor. There was nothing under it. This is a very bad thing.

There was supposed to be a scorpion under it.

That’s right, they’re back. For all of you who read this blog only for scorpion stories and were wishing I’d stop boring on and on about all that Catholic stuff, your prayers have been answered. My thoughts are now 100% focused on the fact that there is a rogue scorpion somewhere in my house even as I type this who probably has a very bad attitude about the fact that I threw a book on him yesterday.

In retrospect, WHAT WAS I THINKING? When am I going to learn that these things don’t die? (For those of you who missed my coverage of the previous two learning opportunities I had on this matter, those posts are here and here). I’m surprised I couldn’t actually hear the scorpion snickering at my hubris as I walked out of the room, confident that Ross and Westerfield’s Corporate Finance dropped from an altitude of about five feet was enough to ensure a human-over-arachnid victory.

A couple things to note that make this situation extra concerning are that a) I found the thing crawling around a few feet away from the baby, and b) I think it came out of one of my bath towels that were stacked in a basket on the floor. My husband suggested that I try to remember to shake out the bath towels before I use them to dry off. Good thing he reminded me, because I might have forgotten all about it! No, I jest. In fact, I have completely recategorized them in my mind from “towels” to “scorpion nests”, as in “my hair is wet, would you pass me a scorpion nest?” or “I need to do a load of scorpion nests when I wash the sheets this week.” I shall never see them as mere towels again.

One interesting thing that’s come of all this is that I’ve become rather defensive of roaches. A few people have tried making me feel better by noting that scorpions eat roaches. To which I ask (in a more or less shrill tone, depending on when the last scorpion sighting was): “What did a roach ever do to anyone? They don’t have pincers, they don’t sting, the don’t fluoresce under blacklight, they’re not notorious of hiding out in shoes and beds! They’re FINE!” I think there was a time when I was actually terrified of roaches, but those days are long gone.

Anyway, it looks like the exterminator will be coming back sometime soon. Maybe this is God’s way of giving me a chance to express my views in a more compelling manner than muttering “uh-huh.”

And if I don’t post for a while, it means that we never did find the scorpion, and I’m in the process of packing up our belongings and moving to Siberia, where I hear they do not have scorpions.


  1. Theocoid

    Man, if that’s not a compelling reason to evangelize boldly, don’t know what is.

  2. Anonymous

    Jen, throwing the book on it is great, but then you have to STAND on the book for a few seconds. This kills it (completely) … yes, it’s gooey and gross you pick up the book, but it’s dead. – T. Frances

  3. Melora

    Actually, Mark Twain, in Roughing It, claimed that cockroaches chewed off sailors’ toenails. Ewww! Even so, I’d take them over scorpions. I hope your exterminator eliminates them all this time.

  4. beez

    I believe that these scorpions are figments of your imagination… They’re constantly coming back to life! What are the odds of that? 🙂

  5. Anonymous

    Apparently Scorpions are well adapted to their environment.

    Like lice.

    Don’t ask.

    Before you are quick to defend head lice, just consider your scorpion experience preparation for “constant vigilance” that head lice require. (At least until they are definitly out of the house) Though my childhood was happily louse-free, i am sorry to say that my children’s childhood has been marked. Twice.

    Your scorpion saga is there to make the rest of us with lice and roaches feel better, apparently.


  6. majellamom

    Okay, so just last night my hubby was commenting that you hadn’t posted anything since FRIDAY (heaven forbid!!) and I jokingly said “well, at least we know she isn’t having scorpion problems, or she’d be blogging about it!”

    Please forgive me for even thinking about them, because apparently it caused them to come out of hiding!


    My gosh. If I were you, I quit. Quit what, I don’t know, but I would definitely quit. Scorpions are worse than snakes. Do they die at a certain point in the year, at least?

  8. Anonymous

    You need to ask St. Jude to intervene for you; I would say this is a desperate situation. I use St. Jude for pretty much everything in life and he is a great guy, a major trooper. I’ve already put in a good word with him for you so I’m sure he’s already on the job.

    You have my sympathy!

  9. Ouiz

    Once again, my feet are up off the floor and tucked safely underneath me.

    Your scorpion stories are really freaking me out. I imagine hell has a little alcove off to the side dedicated to scorpions.

    However, I don’t care what anyone says, cockroaches are evil. Pure evil. They are greasy, nasty bugs that fly. If you caught MY cockroach story awhile back, you would know why I’m so incredibly freaked out by them…

  10. Anonymous

    can you guys just move north…i’m southern girl, when we moved north i mourned for 3 years then i realized…NO FIRE ANTS!!

  11. SEWI Mom

    You are in my prayers, Jen!

    Your scorpion crisis has given me an answer to my sun-belt friends who stare blankly at me when I tell them about our Wisconsin winters, asking, “Why do you live there?” My answer now begins: “No scorpions!”

    That answer will also work on my friends & family who can’t understand why my husband & I want to retire to Michigan’s Upper Peninsula instead of the sun-belt, to which many here aspire. I will gladly take the 250-plus inches of annual snowfall rather than encounter even one scorpion (although my “yooper scooper” might work well on both). At least the snow stays outside!

    And a note to “whimsy”… unfortunately the cold temps don’t keep away the dreaded head lice. Those who have not experienced it cannot fully appreciate the hell that is a head lice attack, and how it turns your household upside down. Omg… you & your children survived it TWICE? Bless your heart! We only went through it once (with 3 children, one of whom is severely developmentally disabled) but I learned that it was something I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.

    Karen S.

  12. knit_tgz

    Roaches hide in shoes (my roommate once woke up, put on her slippers to go to the WC and found a roach on them) and are disease vectors. (And I am a geek, because I cannot write “vector” without thinking Algebra…)

    Of course, I prefer roaches to scorpions, but I would rather not see any of them. (I am so wimpy I kill roaches by drowning them in window cleaner fluid…)

  13. Adoro te Devote

    If you’re really in a bind, come up to MN, and you can stay in my spare room. I don’t have scorpions, but I do have spiders. Most of them are chased away by the barrier stuff I spray around, but they are also harmless. MN does not have an abundance of poisonous creatures…most are benign, if gross.

    I hate spiders. One day I will post about them. Today is not that day.

    Anyway, roaches are gross, too, and you don’t want them near your children, either, because their diseases are insipient. At least if a scorpion bites them you know it and can treat it. Cockroaches..well, they bring diseases you both can’t ID and can’t respond to immediately.

    I have thankfully never had lice, although I worked in a childcare program in which we had just obtained a number of boxes for the children to play in…refrigerator boxes and the like.

    One child got lice, and he brought it into the program. We burned all the boxes, bagged up the insidsposibles, and sent letters home. We, as staff, took home all sorts of cautionary things.

    The other high school emp. and I were very worried…neither of us had ever had lice, we were thrilled, and didn’t want to get them as “adults”

    We were spared.

    I have always felt bad for the families who had to suddenly act to be certain they wouldn’t have to deal with an infestation.

    Jen – be safe!

  14. Rhea

    SCORPIONS!?!! What god-forsaken corner of the world do you live in? I would move, too!


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