Bring on the rattlesnakes

August 15, 2007 | 16 comments

My morning so far:

I am sitting here in my office on one of the very rare occasions that I am actually up before the kids. I was going to go through email but now find myself distracted by trying to one-up my neighbors with the name of my wireless network. When my internet connection crashed I went to mooch of one of their connections, and saw that on our street we have networks named GODZILLA, YETI, and YO MAMMA. I feel challenged. LINKSYS will no longer do. I am probably going to spend a very inappropriate amount of time on this endeavor.

Meanwhile, I hear a rustling sound coming from the other side of the room. As I said, the kids are asleep. We have no indoor pets. Anyone who just had some optimistic thought like, “Maybe it’s just a housefly” is clearly a new reader. I am not psychic, I cannot tell you for sure what is making that noise. But it ain’t no housefly.

After the recent centipede incident I commented to my husband that the only terrifying creatures that live in this area that have we have not seen in our house or on our porch are tarantulas and rattlesnakes. When I first stumbled into my office in a sleep-deprived haze this morning I was greeted by a tarantula sitting on the ledge outside my office window.

Bring on the rattlesnakes.


  1. Anonymous

    the rustling sound…oh heavens, i remember that sound…i don’t miss Louisiana…it always meant one of those giant cockroaches…although you’d probably love to see one of those guys.

  2. Wonders for Oyarsa

    I hate to be so dismissive, Jen, but you do live in Texas…

  3. Darwin

    Your choice is clear: the network should be named “scorpion”.

  4. Christine the Soccer Mom

    Jen, please tell me you don’t live near Texas A&M, or I might never go visit my aunt.

  5. Ouiz

    I’m really liking “The Ten Plagues” name….

    Seriously, how deep is your commitment to living in Texas? I’m afraid you have permanently rid me of any desire to live there!

    I never thought I’d look at a palmetto bug with thankfulness, but I’m sooooo thankful that’s all we have to deal with here!

  6. mrsdarwin

    At least the tarantula was outside your window.

  7. Stephanie

    Just to slightly defend Texas a bit, I’ve lived here my whole life (and I live fairly close to Jen) and I have NEVER seen a scorpion, and NEVER seen a tarantula. I think Jen happened upon a very unfortunate piece of land with all kinds of scary creatures!!!

    Big roaches, yeah we do have those pretty much everywhere…but seriously, when I see one now I think of poor Jen and tell myself “It could be so much worse.”

  8. lyrl

    I’ve posted before that Texas is a big state. I lived in Texas for the first 17 years of my life – near Houston (and A&M) for seven years, in the panhandle for the other ten. And neither I nor anyone I knew had anything like the problems Jen is having. Her part of the state has just the right environment for things like scorpions, but there are plenty of climate regions in Texas where those creatures don’t live.

    Just to defend the parts of Texas where Jen doesn’t live 😉

  9. Jennifer F.

    when I see one now I think of poor Jen and tell myself “It could be so much worse.”

    You won’t believe this, but I recently met some neighbors who made me think, “Wow, I shouldn’t complain, it could be so much worse!”

    I was at the pool a few days ago and ran into some people who live on a street about a half mile from here where pretty much everyone (almost all the kids) have been stung by scorpions. The infestation is evidently out of control. I never thought I’d actually feel grateful for our bug problems.

  10. mrsdarwin

    I live in the same town as Jen, and I’ve never seen a scorpion. Thank God, because Jen’s scorpion yell would be a ladylike gasp compared to my as-yet-unrealized scorpion yell.

  11. Adoro te Devote

    I second what mrsdarwin said: at least the tarantula was outside the window!

    If it were me, I’d get my gun out, shoot the thing, and replace the window.

    And of course, call the exerminator and ask for 911 service to be sure it was safe to come out of the house. And I’d duct tape all the windows and doors and nooks and crannies, then arm myself with a flamethrower, a gun, and a can of Raid or Ortho- X while waiting for the professionals to come.

    I hate spiders. Sorry, God.

  12. Ouiz

    I promise, guys…. no offense meant against Texas! (I’m just terrified to go ANYWHERE that has scorpions in abundance like that… or those ridiculously huge centipedes… or now, tarantulas!)

    Honestly, the next time I see a roach — and I’m really freaked out by them — I’m going to look him square in the eye and say, “Thank God you’re not a scorpion!)

    … that is, before I ask my husband to squish him.

  13. Jennifer F.

    Yes, I know, I’m giving Texas a bad name. 🙂 But it’s important to remember, as we Texans love to point out, that Texas in bigger than France, so we have a wide variety of geography.

    Random “Texas is huge” trivia since we’re on the subject: if you’re standing at the northern tip of Texas, you’re actually closer to Canada than you are to the southern tip of Texas. Crazy, huh?

    And get this: my cousin is in town from Atlanta. I mentioned our scorpion problem and she said they’d had a few in their house in Atlanta and she’d actually been stung. Guess where she was when she was stung? IN BED, of course. WHAT IS IT WITH SCORPIONS AND BEDS? This stuff really freaks me out.

  14. John Seymour

    I agree with Darwin. It has to be “Scorpion.” Either that or “Scorpion & Friends.”

  15. beez

    Yes, I know, I’m giving Texas a bad name. 🙂

    That’s not possible.

  16. Christina Martin

    We had a family vote for the name of our network, and finally decided on Dunderhead.

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